When is it ….enough.

Out in my barn, I shovel shit.
I look to the Northern sky.
It is brilliant.
“Pink sky at night, Sailor’s delight”

I dump my wheelbarrow full of horse shit and shavings into the pit and look to the south.
The brilliant colors of Fall.
Reds, Orange, Yellow and Gold.
Vibrant.
Full of life on their way to death.

Snot and tears runs down my face.
I feel so empty.
Vacant of life
The vibrancy of color, darkened by my unknowing heart.

I ache. Beyond words.
My gut wrenches.
I dry heave in my horse’s stall.

I have asked you to hold me.
I have asked you to hug me….but not “pat” me on the back.
And, today, When I asked for a hug?
You patted me on the back…..Again, and again, and again.

This dance we dance of unknown words…..
The passion once alive, now passed by “life”

Snot and tears run down my face.
As you say “Good night.”

And I, alone, wonder when enough is enough.