My walk with grief.

I can’t breathe.

My lungs hurt too much.

Clogged with sadness I have no words for.

I bend, holding my waist, and throw up bile.

The sour stench of my stomach’s contents remind me of the smell of cancer..

The wretched disease that stole my dad.

Daddy. You are so pale. Daddy, do you know me?

I hold your hand. You are so cold.

Your eyes look at me blankly but…

Daddy, you squeeze my hand when I read you a story.
I give you sips of water dripping out of a straw.

I know you know me.
I kiss you goodnight “I love you.”

My phone rings at 6:45 Monday morning.
Dad, you are gone.

My world has gone cloudy though the sun shines bright.
I cannot feel the grass beneath my bare feet.
I can’t focus on the colors outside.

I can feel the monster of grief coming up behind me.
it’s menacing arms come round me.
I am choked.

I can’t breathe.

My lungs hurt too much.

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