Back sliding

Back sliding. Going back ward at a slippery pace. In the religious sense of the word it often means to repeat an offense, to commit sin again. In my mind it offers more of an opportunity to contemplate the choice of possibility. The holiday season. A time of much celebration and good cheer. Too much cheer for some. After my decision, several months ago, not to drink hard alcohol I was offered a “hard” alcoholic drink. “Wrap your beautiful luscious lips around this glass, doll.” I took the glass, looked at my son and daughter who knew of my agreement with myself, and gave them a wink. “Here’s mud in your eye.” I took a sip. The sharp hot sting hit my belly hard. It felt good. Too good. The warmth spread through out my body quickly. With only one sip! I stepped aside. My thoughts raced. I choose to drink wine. I enjoy wine. I don’t get the “kick” from wine that I got from days and months ago when I knew I needed to make a choice regarding my Vodka. Notice…MY Vodka. I followed my son outside for a smoke and told him “Take this, I can’t have it.” I took a deep breathe and it felt great. Once inside, I had my wine with dinner and all was well. I have never dumped MY Vodka. I need to face my choice, when needed, if needed, face to face. I need to look at my decision and own my choice for me. Back sliding can be really painful or as I choose to believe; a wonderful opportunity for deeper knowledge of who I am, and who I want to be.

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