Defined by one

I have not written for weeks. I have told myself it is ok to be “stuck” since I have been writing quite a bit. Truth is I was “stuck” because I felt defeated in my writing. This new adventure, my writing, is very exciting and also very scary. I was going about it in an uneducated and ignorant manner. I asked a friend for some help. Her advice to me was “just write and the words will come.” She was right! They did! I was so excited. I asked for more advice, and perhaps in retrospect, took advantage of her wisdom. Long story short we no longer communicate. I was so shocked, then angry, and now I feel just terribly sad. I would sit at my computer and wait for words to “just come”…..nothing. To the seasoned writer perhaps a moment such as mine would be considered having a bad day. I am not such a person and my elementary efforts toward fulfilling my dream weighed heavy on my heart. After a long, hard sprint/jog/walk on my tread mill today the endorphin release came. Instead of the euphoric high I bubbled over with tears. Huge tears mixed with sweat ran down my face as I realized I had allowed myself, as a writer to be defined by my friend and her thoughts of me and her advice for me as a writer. I felt like I had broken out of dark room and the light was so bright I had to squint! I define who I am! I have known that in all other aspects of my life but lost sight of it in this new birth. I will forever be grateful for the interest and advice I received. I am sorry it cost what I believed to be a friendship. I am defined by one. Myself.

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